John Kerry mistakes woman's chest for vanity mirror.

It makes sense that we don’t hear the word “pedantic” very often; most people educated enough to use it don’t want to be called it.

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Tisk, tisk, Wikipedia.

Tisk, tisk, Wikipedia.

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Mensa Invitational

I get this chain email from time to time and it never fails to give me a belly laugh.  I believe this is referring to the 2008 contest.  I looked around a bit and couldn’t find the 2009 results or any information on when they will be published, but I will keep an eye out for sure:

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s
winners. Read them carefully. Each is a real word with only one letter
altered. Some are terrifically innovative:

17. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

16. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

15. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

14. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

13. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

12. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn’t get it.

11. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

8. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s,
like, a serious bummer.

7. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

6. Glibido: All talk and no action.

5. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly. [This one is my personal favorite, KG]

4. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

3. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

2. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you’re eating.

And the #1 pick:

1. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.